


The Lalonde Itinerary

by tenderhearted



Category: Homestuck
Genre: 413, Double Dating, Earth C (Homestuck), Gen, Humor, Impromptu Corpse Party, John's Rocket Boots, Johnny Rockets, Milkshakes, Minor Character Death, Minor Terezi Pyrope/Vriska Serket, Post-Canon, Post-Sburb/Sgrub, Romance, Small Stakes Heist, The Rosemary Wedding, also vriska is there, dont worry about them just yet, romcoms
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-13
Updated: 2019-06-27
Packaged: 2020-01-12 14:14:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,744
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18448235
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tenderhearted/pseuds/tenderhearted
Summary: Karkat was ready to tell his moirail and her wife about his relationship with Dave, he was just waiting for the right time to do so. So what if the time to do so was after Rose started subtly interrogating him at her own wedding? He still came up with the brilliant idea for what Dave was calling, "Coming Out 2: Electric Boogaloo". Karkat didn't want to know what that meant, but he did know that he would beat Rose at her mindgames before dessert.orIn Which Karkat Is Forcibly Removed Johnny Rockets After A Failed Attempt To Outwit Rose Lalonde





	1. Prolouge

**Author's Note:**

> A big big big i lov you and thank you to [twilitalks](https://archiveofourown.org/users/twilitalks), [coyote](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Coyoteclaw11), and neon for helping this come to life cc:

A lot happened during the Maryam-Lalonde wedding reception, though Karkat wouldn't remember much of it.

There was confetti everywhere, the cake had been smashed into at least seven different faces, and Calliope decided to bring her Juju candy to ‘spice things up’ after the ceremony. Which then, of course, lead to everyone drinking to avoid their post-juju hangovers. Karkat thought the reception would be exciting already, fueled by his boyfriend ( _and calling him that in his head still felt weird but good but also still kind of weird so he tried not to think about it too much which actually made him think about it a lot and-_ ) muttering commentary and jokes to him all while crying through the ceremony, and even into his best man speech.

Sob-rapping should not be a thing, Karkat decided. It was strictly only acceptable when Dave was failing to make a best-man speech, but Karkat was so proud of his boyfriend for allowing himself to be so openly emotional after years of “strider cool”.

The whole night would be a colorful, confectionary blur when he’d tried to recount it later, which he was fine with, but there was one _particular_ conversation that stuck with Karkat through the post-juju drunk haze, from when he finally got a moment with the newly wed brides.

“Dave! We really adored your speech!" Kanaya approached Dave and Karkat while they were taking a break from dancing with Rose in tow. Or, rather, they both stumbled just a bit and Rose was struggling to maintain face while she made sure her wife didn’t topple over under the stirring affects of alcohol. "I did not realize the slam poetry rendition of our tale of romance interspersed with, um, crying, would be so moving!” She attempted to remedy Dave’s emotional drop after the Juju candy with compliments. It would’ve probably worked out better without the drunk giggles at the end.

“It wasn’t supposed to be like that, wasn’t the plan,” He replied. “But I’m glad you liked it. Today was really something straight out of one of Karcrabs’s romcoms huh?” Dave leaned into his boyfriend’s arm and gulped down more water to make up for what he’d lost during the speech.

“The movies _I_ appreciate don’t typically end with a wedding like this,” Karkat said. “They round out the ending with scenes of settling down into domestic life and giving the audience closure.”

“Some of them do that,” Rose added, while picking frosting out of Kanaya’s hair. “Modern romantic fiction prefers to leave room for error, or a sequel. Fairy tales, however, have the ending I believe you’re thinking of.”

“What the fuck would be in a sequel for a romcom?” Dave asked.

“Perhaps the couple must face another tribulation. Perhaps they might lead into the lives of a previously minor character, bringing them into the forefront to find their own path to love and fulfillment,” said Rose, staring pointedly down her ecto-biological brother. It probably would’ve been more successful if she didn’t sound as tipsy as she was, or if Kanaya didn’t _look_ as drunk as _she_ was.

Nevertheless, Dave shied away from her stare, still as Lalonde-knitting-needle-sharp as ever, and turned to Karkat. “Yeah well, this is still better than _My Big Fat Greek Wedding_.”

“Shut your fucking mouth, you absolutely cried watching that one.” Karkat was quick to retort back to Dave’s smug (yet, Karkat had to begrudgingly admit, attractive) smirk as their, for lack of a better term, ‘playful bickering’ began.  At this, the newlyweds simply wandered away to other guests to avoid third-wheeling it at their own wedding.

He and Dave had grown...very close, Karkat thought. Well, obviously, he thought to himself. They’re dating. People get close when they… date. They were dating, maybe for even longer than either of them realize (but Karkat tries not to think about that), and it feels really weird but in a good way. Like, its natural. Like, _of course_ they’re dating. It makes sense, it feels right. They’re _dating_ , but they were both having a hard time admitting it to other people, especially at a wedding of all places, because letting other people _know_ makes it _real_. The two of them weren’t sure if this is going to work or if they would just hurt each other, so...

So, they’re hiding it. Or, they’re ‘keeping it on the down low’ for a while, as they both say because it feels less weird and wrong to say it like that.

Less like a secret.

But, still a secret, so Karkat decided he was going to ignore at the possible ways to fuck up his love life, get some more of that human booze, and have a good rest of the night.

Naturally, the rest of the night was spent dancing and celebrating Rose and Kanaya Lalonde-Maryam like the world was ending. Because, well, they _had_ seen their worlds’ end, and knew very well they deserved to celebrate.

Karkat and Dave returned to the dance floor after they’d downed enough alcohol to keep them going. After a bit, they ran into Rose and Kanaya again. Quite literally, with Kanaya’s tall and broad frame almost knocking over Dave. Immediately apologizing, she hurried to help Dave up, and Rose took Karkat’s hands.

“Allow me to steal him for a second?” She directed at Dave. He shrugged and curtsied to Kanaya, who laughed and took his hands to dance. Karkat thought it was one of the dorkiest things he’d ever seen, but he didn’t have much time to say it, because Rose was already leading him away in an opposite direction.

Something like dread filled up inside him, but maybe that was just the Human Alcohol.

Karkat tried to follow along in Rose’s steps, to the beat Dirk was blasting through the speakers, but he kept tripping over her quick moves and turns. After a particularly smooth set of moves, she dragged him closer and spoke up against the music:

“So, how are you and my kin getting along?” She asked while pulling him into a turn.

After making sure his head wasn’t still spinning, Karkat responded, “I still don’t get Roxy, but me and Dirk like to bond over our mutual self-hatred. I think the ‘group therapy’ thing’s working.” He paused, then upon reflection, added: “He needs to calm it the fuck down with the robots and horses though.”

Rose laughed heartily and continued to lead Karkat around with grace. She expertly guided him around the floor, moving fast enough that the people around them blurred into the bright, fluorescent colors reminiscent of the hours prior- before Calliope locked her juju safely back in her captchalogue. He supposed it made sense everyone was drinking as if their lives depended on it. It quickly cut down whatever a ‘hangover’ was.

“Oh,” Rose grinned-and why Karkat suddenly feel like he was about to be psychologically poked and prodded he wasn't quite sure-“your avoidance of my real question speaks volumes and I commend you for bringing up my help in your therapy to attempt to distract me.”

Is that what he was doing? Distracting her? From what? Human alcohol made his thinkpan feel a little scrambled, and the spinning didn’t help.

“But really,” Oh. Rose was continuing. He was thankful- following the conversation was becoming a little difficult.  She spun Karkat so close to a table that he let out a yelp when he thought he would knock it over, before she pulled him back right up to her face. “How are you and Dave doing? I worry of the two of you, after all the time you spent together on the meteor. I recall the effects it had on Kanaya and I’s relationship, and I’d hate to see the two of you have a similar struggle.”

Karkat gaped at her, speechless. _What was she implying, comparing his relationship with Dave to her and Kanaya’s?_ He felt nervousness creep up suddenly from beneath the fog of alcohol and from the remnants of sweet juju candy and from the giant trunkbeast in the room that was Dave and Karkat’s unspoken relationship. _What should he do? Play it off? Ask what she meant? Imply something back?_ He tried to find Dave in the sea of colors.

“...What?” He decided to finally reply, and Rose practically tsked.

“Oh, Karkat,” She sighed, seemingly disappointed. “How much longer will you two chose to ignore it? It's been so many years, I would’ve figured you two would have at least mentioned it by now.”

Karkat tried to play it off, like Rose wasn’t grabbing his soul by the legs and getting ready to fling it into the sun. “Mentioned what?”

Rose watched him for a second, like she was struggling to find an answer in the emotions he was trying not express, then let out a soft chuckle. “So, you _have_ spoken about it, then. That’s good.”

Fuck, he was getting read like a book- and he knew how much Rose loved rip those to shreds with her analytical barbs. “The fuck are you talking about?”

Rose ignored his question and continued: “But, knowing you two, it wasn’t enough to just converse on the matter. Between the two of you, and everything you’d gone through in the past years,” She cast him a warning look, “It’ll be many more _sweeps_ before we know if it helps or hurts. You of all people should know, words cannot solve everything.” she leaned in closer, the eyes of a seer bearing into him, “Sometimes... showing someone that you are truly serious takes more than action than reciting sweet words to just ease the pain you share.”

The last comment hit him like a pound of bricks. _Did that mean she knew? Should he ask? What if she hadn’t known, and then saying something would reveal it? But, what the fuck else could she be talking about?_  Before he was able to say something, they’d returned to Kanaya and Dave. Karkat returned to Kanaya and Dave, out of breath and sweating heavily. He felt like a wriggler crawling out of the brooding caverns after the Trials.

“Oh! Hey bab- uh bro,” Dave coughs awkwardly, and Karkat tried not to cringe at how obvious that had been. Dave left Kanaya with an over exaggerated bow and took Karkat’s hands from Rose as they both returned to their respective dance partners.

“She didn’t rough your psyche up too much, did she?” Dave asked him, and Karkat laughed, letting out the tension built from dancing with his perceptive sister.

“No more than fucking usual. Did Kanaya like your moves?” Karkat asked.

“Fuck yeah she did, nobody _smoother_ than a Strider,” Dave wiggled his eyebrows obnoxiously at Karkat to make him laugh, before they were interrupted again.

“Yo! Same size as me bro!” Dirk called from the Dj booth, “Cover for me while I show these lesbians how sick the Strider moves are?”

“Yeah I gotchu bro!” Dave called back and tugged Karkat with him up on the booth’s platform, “Join me?”

Karkat took a heavy breath and replied, “Always.” before hopping up next to him.

They spent a good half hour up there before someone else came to switch up the music. There were all different genres, from Dave’s own sick beats, to some of Jade’s funky tunes, to a live performance from John of “How Do I Live?” for good measure while Roxy snuck in some Shrek inspired remixes for her and John’s battle in prankster's gambit.

The last time Karkat saw Rose that night, she was looking over Kanaya’s shoulder from where they’d been slow-dancing through the drowsy ballads.  She just winked at him, knowingly.

Finally, as the dawn came and the sun began to rise, the last of the wedding attendance made their way home. Karkat left with his hivemates, Dave and Jade, on the quiet path from the Lalonde-Maryam residence to their home in Troll Kingdom. Though, on the way back, he just couldn’t get a specific train of thought to leave.

_Should he be doing more for Dave to show he cares about their relationship? Was he doing enough already and overthinking it?  Was there a way to tell Rose and Kanaya that he and Dave have started dating without making a disastrous spectacle of themselves?_

“Whatcha thinkin about, Karkat?” Jade startled him out of his thoughts, placing her hand on his shoulder. Her and Dave are walking home with him instead of their usual flying, since they were still a little tipsy. Which was, honestly, a bit inconvenient, since he wanted to be able to reflect on Rose’s words alone to spiral into self-doubt and reminiscing on his mistakes, but that’s just how life worked for Karkat.

“Nothing, nothing,” He shook his head.

Dave heard this and decided to be the doting boyfriend he really was, since he didn’t have to hide it around Jade. She already found out that they'd been dating, since she was living with them since they settled on Earth C.

“Babe, seriously, what’s up? You’re sighing harder than I can blow this champagne,” He held up the open bottle he had definitely snatched from the reception.

Karkat tried not to sigh and failed, “It just something Rose was saying-”

Dave turned sharply and placed his hands on Karkat’s shoulders, “Do not, I repeat do NOT, listen to anything my sister says,” Dave shook Karkat's shoulder loosely to emphasize his point, “She’s a schemer and she’s plotting up something right now to make our lives more miserable, with her new status as a Married Woman.”

Jade burst out with a laugh at Dave’s comment, “Mrs. Lalonde’s tasted closure, now she won’t let anyone else have it.”

Dave chuckled and continued, “I mean it, Karkat. Whatever she said probably meant nothing more than to just confuse you into saying you have a kink for magnets or something, you know that.”

Instead of listening to Dave's wizened advice, Karkat promised himself to further examine what Rose had said later, and laughed with his friends in a sleepy haze as they wandered their way home.

Rose had thrown down the gauntlet for him and Karkat was determined to retaliate.


	2. Lunch Date: START!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Plans are made, dates are set, and the big day arrives. With the date set in motion, who will reign morally victorious?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there! Thank you to everyone who commented, subscribed, and left kudos! I'm glad to know that yall are enjoying reading as much as I've enjoyed writing this! Today's my birthday, so I wanted to post another part while I continue to work on the ending. Hopefully I can post it earlier than in the next two months;; anyway, here we go!

It took Karkat about a month to decipher Rose's challenge and about another month to figure out what he should actually do about it.

It was a longer amount of time than he would have taken back when they were all stuck on the meteor with nothing to do, but between his obligations as political guidance for the Earth kingdoms, his group therapy, and weekly alternating movie/pillow fort nights with his friends, it was difficult to find time to focus. He eventually did, though, and he figured out _exactly_ what she wanted.

Rose wanted a show.

She wanted to see him stutter out a weak excuse for why they had been hiding their relationship from her, and _then_ she would use this to dissect their ‘internalized homophobia and self-destructive tendencies’.

Well, try as she may, it wasn’t going to fucking happen. No, Karkat had spent too many nights breaking down all their walls of emotional bullshit with his boyfriend already, only for Rose to builds new ones right under their noses. He wasn’t going to fucking take this. He would show her that they were able to do this on their _fucking_ own.

So, after a month, Karkat spent another three weeks trying to figure out a way to tell her this.

Originally, his plan to tell Rose was going to be short, sweet, and to the point. Just dump the news on her and let her deal while he left to go make out with his boyfriend. He’d abandoned that scenario so he could now rub it into Rose’s face that he was entirely more mature than she was

Dave said it was for 'Vantas Brand™ Dramatics’, but either way, it required strategy and finesse. It required a more carefully written out plan.

In between his other commitments, he wrote draft upon draft, at times into the dark hours of the night. His respiteblock was littered with discarded plans and broken pens.

(Jade had pointed the mess out once, only for Karkat to retort by stomping over the 10 feet to her house/lab to gesture violently at the half-made gadgets, plants, and plushies lying all over every available surface. She replied that her mess was her own creation, not the result of falling for ‘Rose’s so called Scheming’, and watched with concern as he shut himself back in his block to keep scribbling out drafts.

Jade refused to assist him in his plan against Rose, but continued to offer suggestions whenever she came over.)

Karkat spent one week fully involving himself in rom com movies of any and all varieties for inspiration, even recruiting Dave to dig up movies from his ecto-brother’s timeline. They watched everything from the human version of 50 First Dates, the troll version of Hitch, to- _by Dave’s vehement request_ -the animated atrocities of Shrek 1 and 2 (and if you ask Karkat, he still won't admit that he liked the movies for their truly beautiful takes on inner beauty and societal expectations, because Dave being right about Shrek wasn’t canon in this universe). Karkat spent too many hours analyzing and taking notes until he could find himself the perfect execution.

Threshecution, if you will.

About two months had passed since the wedding when inspiration finally struck. It made Karkat jump up from his seat between Jade and Dave on the couch where they had been playing the Ghostbusters MMO to run up and grab his notebook in a hurried frenzy. Something Jade had said about old holiday traditions on Earth triggered a memory of Rose and Kanaya dancing dreamily after everyone on the meteor had gathered for a human activity called ‘Thanksgiving’, and he suddenly _knew_ what he had to do.

He would find a local establishment, a public place where Rose could not do unto her will without consequence, and where familiarize himself with the menu.

This place would be tricky to find, however, considering how little Karkat remembered to eat, even while assisting the kingdoms in their civil affairs. He’d typically pick something vaguely trollian and stuff it down until his stomach was sated. Dave complained that his boyfriend didn't have a refined palette, usually while eating his atrociously orange Nacho Cheese Doritos and washing them down with a jug of apple juice.

There was that one place, though, that the two of them had started frequenting with Jade and other friends as of late. A small diner with real meat and good drinks. Karkat scribbled down the name into his notebook before heading back to the couch to keep writing.

He figured that he’d have to make a detailed plan, unless he wanted something to fall into her grasp, anything malleable enough to manipulate and ruin. With cautious help from Jade and Dave’s running narrative commentary, he planned it all down to the very _second_ , accounting for every variable he could think of.

Dave called it the ‘Coming Out of the Century’. Karkat thought that was stupid, and too human centric. This wasn’t about human sexuality or titles anymore; it was about _power_. This was about putting confidence in their relationship, about knowing it could withstand whatever Rose or anyone else threw at them.

* * *

Later that week, after Karkat had reviewed the plan with Jade and Dave for feedback and adjusted accordingly, he messaged Rose.

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling tentacleTherapist [TT] at 16:13 --

CG: WE HAVEN’T SEEN EACH OTHER SINCE THE WEDDING.

TT: Why, hello there Karkat. I am doing well and you?

CG: DON’T INTERRUPT YET.

CG: WE ALL HAVEN’T BEEN IN THE SAME PLACE SINCE THEN. I HAVEN’T SEEN KANAYA AND YOU HAVEN’T SEEN YOUR BROTHER.

CG: WHY DON’T WE ALL GO OUT TO LUNCH.

TT: Lunch?

CG: YEAH, THAT’S THE HUMAN TERM I AM USING.

TT: Well I would certainly be delighted to join you and my brother for lunch. When would this chowing down occur?

Karkat took a deliberate two minutes before responding, as if he and Dave hadn’t already agreed on a date.

CG: ME AND DAVE ARE FREE NEXT FRIDAY.

TT: Then it’s a date. Please allow me to check in with my wife to assure she can attend that day, but I believe a reprieve from the caverns is long past due.

CG: GREAT, SEE YOU THEN.

TT: Oh, and please remember to bring your lunch box. I wouldn’t want you to forget and miss out on the human intricacies of Lunch because you spent your time worrying about things that just aren’t that important.

\-- tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] --

Karkat gritted his teeth, trying to suck down the frustration with her ending the conversation before he could finish his response, and he took a deep breath and read over his open notebook to stay calm and focus on his objective.

Dave, who came up later to check on him, laughed at his sister’s finishing remark and offered to alchemize Karkat a SBAHJ ‘lunchbox’. Karkat deadpan refused.

Karkat knew his boyfriend was only trying to joke with him to ease the blow of Rose’s words, but he wasn’t worried. She could have the last word, because he _would_ have the last laugh. He knew something she didn’t, he had something even better than a plan. He had a strategy--and he was going to make _sure_ this double date went perfectly if it was the last goddamn thing he did on Earth C.

* * *

 

**The Lalonde-Maryam & Vantas & Strider Double Date Itinerary by Karkat Vantas**

**1.** **_Go to ~~Johnny Rockets~~ John E. Rockets_ **

It’s a beautiful, sunny spring morning, and Karkat was ready to choke. 

He was trying not to overdo his appearance for the critical lunch date, so he only spent about an hour deciding between showing up in his typical sweatpants and turtleneck combo, or in the ridiculous skinny jeans and tshirt with the words ‘COME AT ME BRO’ Dave had gifted him on a recent mall excursion. Compromising by alchemizing the two outfits together, he and Dave set off. 

Upon their arrival, they both found their so called ‘friends’ immediately, as they were floating in the parking lot while making out, unabashedly.

“Fucking amorous _assholes_ ,” Karkat muttered into Dave’s shoulder, mostly just to avoid looking at them because, _fuck_ , how did they not have any _shame_? “They can’t keep their hands off each other for two fucking minutes.”

The two are impossible to miss, what with Kanaya looking like a technicolor watermelon in a hot pink cabana shirt tucked into neon lime slacks, contrasting greatly against the monochrome gothic lolita ensemble that Rose was wearing.

As they reluctantly approached the pair, Dave shouted monotonously, “Hey, why are y’all like this? We came here to eat a meal, not each other’s faces.”

Karkat snorted. The couple pulled away from their parking lot sloppy makeouts to look at their friends with varying degrees of embarrassment and nonchalance. Kanaya’s blush was almost washed out by the glow of her skin, but it was there, yet Rose only gave her brother a look of the utmost indifference that rivaled his own poker face. 

“Pardon us both,” Rose responded while gently floating down to the ground, “We had arrived early and found it less than ideal to enter before you arrived. Especially seeing as how Karkat took so _long_ to organize this…” She looked the pair up and down with a smirk. “Gathering.”

Karkat took a moment to examine her as well. Rose’s gothic wear includes all the frills and buttons and even a veil that you’d might expect it to come with it. The skirt itself looked almost like a cloud, with all of its fluffy white underskirts. He knew she hadn’t missed his messages about where they were going to eat, and that this outfit choice was nothing of a misconception of...appropriate dining attire.

Karkat fumed quietly as a bush rustled nearby.

Kanaya attempted to ease the blooming tension, “We, uh-” She coughed, blushing brighter -literally glowing, making Rose like a moth to a flame- with embarrassment, “We may have gotten a little carried away with...finding a distraction,” She laughed awkwardly.

Karkat quickly debated arguing, but rather found it useless to start and argument so soon into the plan. There wasn’t enough time for it in the schedule, anyway. He glanced to Dave by his side to find him in agreement, as he was already making way towards the door. 

Karkat shared a smile with Kanaya, remembering that they were in fact, best friends, and he shouldn’t be _that_ mad at her for making out with her own wife. She smiled back, acknowledging his apology.

As they entered the restaurant Kanaya made an observation, “So, this is ‘Johnny Rockets’?”

“No,” Karkat replied. “It’s John _E._ Rockets.” He motioned to the lettering above the dining counter that read in an Earth-circa 1950's cursive: ‘ _John E. Rocket’s! Home of the Boy-Skylark’s Rocket boots!’_ The aforementioned boots sat in a glass case on the back wall of the restaurant, where tourists from the other kingdoms lingered to take pictures. It was a conveniently strange artifact to commemorate. 

A younger troll greeted them from behind the counter, “Welcome to John E. Rockets! Please take a seat wherever you’d like.”

**_******2\. Sit down at the booth with the good window** _**

Without a second for anyone to deliberate seating, Karkat took Dave’s hand in a beeline for his favorite booth.

In the itinerary, Karkat had split their group into teams; Red for him and Dave, and Blue for Kanaya and Rose. He’d figure the couples would sit adjacent to each other- where Karkat would face Kanaya and Dave his sister. 

Rose decided that wasn’t in the cards today.

Rose took a considerable amount of time adjusting her skirts to slide into the booth, _across_ from Karkat. The waiter who had greeted them from behind the counter had been on their way with menus for the table, saw the current situation, and went back behind the counter. While everyone waited for skirts to settle, Kanaya gave her an exasperated look. 

“Rose, I was hoping that I would be able to sit across from _my_ moirail.” She said. 

“Kanaya,” Rose sought out her wife’s hands from her battle with her veil. “I understand this _truly_ , but seeing as he reached out to me to plan this very lovely meal, it gave _me_ the considerable idea to reach out and connect with your beloved moirail.” Reflecting her words, Rose reached out and took Karkat’s hand. He wasn’t buying it for a second, but she continued. “It’s only best for me to...thank him for all the time and effort he’s put into planning and arranging by spending my time really _understanding_ Karkat.”

When Kanaya looked somewhat offended, she added smoothly, “Though, of course, not to the degree that you do, darling.” 

Karkat, who’s right hand was held hostage in Rose’s grasp as she labored on her wild excuse to sit at the window, glanced to Dave for some hope of explanation. Dave replied with a shrug. Karkat knew that if Dave didn’t know where Rose was going with this, they were likely going to be in deep shit later. 

Kanaya sighed and slid into the booth alongside her wife with an apologetic smile to Karkat. He smiled fondly back.

_****3\. Casual Banter** ** _

Once they were all finally sitting, Karkat glanced down at the folded piece of paper in his pocket. He was already on step three, and even with Rose’s attempts at interference, he was determined to make his way through the rest of the plan. He kept the itinerary folded in his lap, though, for emotional support. 

Kanaya caught his eye as soon as he looked up again, “I’ve never been to this establishment before, though I haven’t made an effort to visit much outside the caverns. Do they frequently look like this?”

Dave took the reigns of friendly conversation when Karkat nervously glanced at him, “Oh, nah. Most of them are pretty weird but more in a troll way? Like, all in on the grub-culture with bug meat ramen noodle soup and hot gub tacos. This place one of the few lone rangers in the wild, wild west of the foodservice industry. Though I’m not sure who’ll win the high noon showdown, between this place and the historical Skaian dinner-theater over on Bathtub street.”

Karkat laughed, recounting to Kanaya and Rose the trial dinner run they tried at The Battlefield Theater which, unlike its name suggests, mainly performed introspective pieces on the meaning of the self rather than tales of adventure and tragedy. The carapacians there were very good at interpretive dance.  

“Was it traditional on Earth to have entertainment in all of your public eating establishments?” Kanaya asked.

“Not all of them,” Rose answered, “Some of them went the extra mile with live musicians, playgrounds, or medieval jousting.” Kanaya appeared captivated as Rose spoke nostalgically of Old Earth. It seemed to Karkat that maybe Rose didn’t ramble about Earth culture as much as Dave liked to. “However, many restaurants would have a theme correlating with the food being served. I’m quite surprised, I must confess; I would have never have thought for a restaurant with a theme such as this. 

“What was it like on Earth?” Karkat asked her.

“It wasn’t too different. The Old Earth version of this,” She gestured vaguely to the diner surrounding her, “was themed in the idealized pictore of the 1950’s with jukeboxes, sharing milkshakes, and formica tabletops.”

Surveying the diner that he and Dave had become familiar with upon numerous stakeout operations and late night meals, Karkat recognized the 50’s style furnishings pulled straight out of some the absolytely awful movies Dave suggested that they'd watch only to realize that any Earth movies trying to idolize the 50's would have absolutely inane themes and storylines mainly serving the 'heteronormative American Dream', and Dave would later complain.

“I only went to the original handful of times," Rose continued, "When my mother and I would visit the mall. I remember that we'd always get oreo milkshakes and fries to share.” Rose smiled fondly at the memory.

Karkat smiled too. He was glad that he chose this place.

“I remember one time I went,” Dave said, and his voice held that tone that Karkat knew this was going to be a long story, “I was at the mall to get some shoes, and John dared me to steal one of those kids balloons behind the counter. You can just, like, ask for them but the heist factor was important to impress my best bro, you know?”

Karkat nodded in agreement, lest Dave iterate the point further by telling Rose how Karkat learned the final dance from Earth's High School Musical with Jade to surprise Dave on his birthday.

“Anyway, so I’m at the counter. I order a strawberry milkshake to blend in with the general public. No one knows that im here to absocond with one of these tasty balloons..."

Dave continued with his elaborate, though mostly true story as corroberated by John, and Karkat watched Rose from the corner of his eye. Maybe him making a plan wasn't actually necessary and he was overthinking everything. They could just talk with Rose, tell her that they were now dating, and maybe make plans for another double date in the future. That's what this was wasn't it? A weird double date where most of them knew what it was but it also wasn't offically confirmed as such? Not some stupidly eggagerated heist like Dave's balloon heist, with elements of confusion and heartbreak and mild hilarity. Just a normal getting together of friends and family to share their time eating together! Karkat didn't have anything to worry about. Rose was just his friend, and his boyfriend's sister, sitting there casually listening to her brother's story while also glancing out the window at the fantastic view!

“...and so tragically, we lost General S. Berrylicious to the clutches of gravity and the nasty mall floor, along with three balloon soldiers lost on the ceiling, but I was hightailing it out of there with the last red one they had like that fucking clown from that weird Tim Curry movie.” Dave finished, wiping an ironic tear from under his shades.

Rose leaned in further to retort, "I suppose you mean IT, correct? Interesting for you to bring up the discussion of clowns at the table, Dave."

"Ok but you're going to completely gloss over the homo-subtext of me doing all this ridiculous shit just for John. Who, at the time, I'd never met face to face?" Dave asked.

"Oh, I believe your homosexual tendencies have found another focus, haven't they?" Rose asked back, while looking directly at Karkat. 

Avoiding eye contact with Rose’s analytical gaze, Karkat spotted someone familiar running through the door of the restaraunt and almost colliding with a waiter before slamming directly into the front counter.

“Terezi?” Karkat called.

Lo and behold, the shark toothed girl turned to him with a large grin, “Karkat! Funny running into you here!”

“Funny like how you ran in here like there’s an all you can eat buffet for edible chalk?” Dave asked as she walked over to her booth.

“All chalk is edible if you aren’t a coward, Dave,” She returned with a tap of her cane on their table. 

“Do you wish to join us?” Kanaya moved to make room in the booth for her, but Terezi shook her head.

“I’m meeting someone else here for ‘human lunch’ too. Sorry to deprive you all of my company.” She grinned again, and Karkat was beginning to suspect that there may be more going on that day than he'd expected.

“That’s too bad,” Karkat said as unsuspiciouslly as possible, “I guess we’ll see you later for fort night?”

“Of course! Smell ya later chucklefucks!”

A waiter came and guided Terezi to her own table, where she began playing with the broken mini jukeboxes immediately. 

“Didn’t know she was back from Vriska hunting.” Dave said, confused. 

“We all need a break now and then,” Rose said, too knowingly for Karkat’s appetite.

Which reminded him, they came here to eat, as well as everything else. _Focus, Karkat,_ he told himself, _don’t let Rose’s antics override your own._  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading!


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